2

How many bass players do you know who have Grade 1 University Entrants Use of English? I think that narrows the field slightly.

The only entry I understand from those last few is the Sarah one, why dont you people speak English

Hey Sarah,
If you find this page, mail me and I'll sort out a cd for you.
e x

WTF! WTF!

WTF?

Could not find a suitable section so I written here, how to become a moderator for your forum, that need for this?

So what exactly would you like to see Mr. Sanders?

For goodness sake update your site,it is sooooo boring,alright if your tucked up by the fire in yer slippers, Ernie shape up and sort it out.
I'll check it out again when I come back from Sri-lanka
best wishes
Paul and Angie sanders
x

Hi Jock,
Good to hear from you. Sounds like you are doing OK. What gigs we have are posted on this site which is regularly updated, or you can search for our info on the Lemonrock site.

Contrary to popular rumour, I am neither dead, nor have I 'disbanded' The Whole Hog. Where that idea came from I don't know, but it's bollox.

Hope to see ya soon mate.

Ern

Ah well all the more for me then Henry !!

Thanks to all the organisers and punters at the Blackdown Hills Beer festival - we had a blast.

Also, my surgery on Monday was very successful and we will be gigging again real soon, so lock up your daughters and sons. It is no longer necessary to hide the pies - at least not from me!

Interference Fit - ha

Wow! I LOVE being in this band when it is roaring full tilt. Splendid gig last night chaps. I is a bit sore this morning mind.

Pies %26 Tits

I quite agree Dr Thrasher, whoever put that there needs a damn good spanking. I've deleted the post to stop any embarrassment. Let's keep it clean please people.

That previous post is in VERY poor taste and should be removed immediately.

First, eh well done !

Great News Emily, well done!

Congratulations to Emily, who occassionally sits in on sax with us when she is around. She got a 'first' in her degree. WELL DONE!

From S. S. Stewart's "Banjo And Guitar Journal" of October and November 1896...................

The Aluminum Fallacy

The craze for aluminum, the metal extracted from clay, started off like a rocket a few years ago, with a vast amount of imagination mixed with fact. Aluminum was to be used for the hulls of ships, for shoeing horses, for plugging teeth, for cooking utensils, for air balloons, for bicycles, and also for almost every kind of musical instruments. Aluminum banjos were tried and proved a failure. Aluminum banjo hoops and brackets also proved a fizzle, like the same metal for shoeing horses.
Now, some enterprising inventor proposes to give us aluminum mandolins, drums, and possibly guitars and violins.
"Claim everything," is the motto of the aluminum votary. So the aluminum workers claimed everything, even that the soft metal was better than wood, harder than steel and better in all respects than anything else on earth. One musical instrument manufacturer even goes so far as to claim that his aluminum bag pipes will not be affected by damp weather at the sea shore. We always supposed that dampness and humidity affected all musical sounds, and we are inclined to believe that this claim is much on the order of the claim put forth on the old patent closed back banjo, that it would sound as well in damp weather as in clear weather. Now, if they had said that it sounded as badly in clear weather as in damp weather, they would have come nearer to it.
Aluminum, like everything else, has its uses, but it is not a universal cure all. It has its disadvantages, like the celluloid mandolins, and collars and cuffs of that material. Drop a light on them and they go up in smoke. Your aluminum drums will not stand much salt water, and their future will proved the fallacy of attempting to realize a dream of aluminum violins.
Wood with proper seasoning, and with the grain well filled, will never give way to any metal extracted from clay. Better let the free silver shouters have it.

fuck right off

It would be great to have your profile on www.occasi.com

Harley?

Hello from Sunny Americo. I'm having a fab time, can't wait to play again though.

What a splendid orchestra! Youse girls were fabuloso indeed. That red haired girl is the horniest thing I've seen this year and I want to smell her.................all over.

It's that time. Ern has masturbated his way back to full recovery and is ready to Rock, watch out North Newton!!!!!

See what ?!

Get rid of dogs. Also organised religion, politics, the X-factor, christmas, people who own dogs (particularly on strings), 4x4's and their owners, obnoxious drunks, Bernard Manning, people who think christmas is great, Autumn Watch including the execrable Bill Oddie and his fuckwit chums, anchovies, filthy hospitals, pox-ridden consultants who never wash their bloated purulent hands, football, football fans, god, people who think god exists (particularly those ass-hole christians), homophobic shaven-headed thugs, men with no hair, women with no hair, animals with no hair, large hypodermic needles, cigarettes, opera, opera singers, opera lovers, amerikkkans, blue cheese, extremes of weather and pomegranites.

Bring on Lancashire cheese, skimpy womens underwear (worn once), slippery wet sex, industrial strength alcohol and drugs, good solid traditional guitar driven rock music, Hovis Presley, Elvis Presley, Fat Elvis, Fat Elvis impersonators, Gibson guitars, valve guitar amplifiers, venison steaks, crayfish, blow-jobs, large breasts, chipped potatoes, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, saute potatoes, potato gratin, chocolate body paint, BB King, Sci-Fi movies, submarine movies, Alec Guinness, Guinness, Vivian Stanshall, Grace Slick, green vegetables, olives and fresh apples.

See?

It is minus 20 degrees celsius where I am and the snow is up to 6 feet deep. Everyone is still driving their cars and going to work. The trains and buses are all running normally and no-one is phased at all. The English are such girlie-breaths when there is a smattering of snow. You pooftahs!

First a big Happy Birthday to Grandad Grunt, hope you had a good day.
And secondly, all the best to Dr Thrasher who goes into hospital tomorrow for his first operation.

Dwarf

Congratulations to Graham and Sarah, erstwhile keepers of the King Alfred at Burrowbridge and great friends of the Hog, on the arrival of Henry Graham. Got fed up with the womb on the 6th of December (4 weeks before he should've) and weighed in at 5lb 1 oz. Best wishes to all three of them from HogWorld.

Love the music guys, Keep up the good work, and thanks to Geoff who has inspired me to learn the Bass.

Hope you all have a great xmas and a prosperous new year.

Cheers.

First bout of hand surgery will be on January 6th 2009.
I can't wait, my hand is jolly painful.
Until then, come and see the band rip the joint on Boxing Day.
Toodle-pip.

The new stuff is really good Mike - well done and thanks.

There are new Pic in the New Pics section of Piccies. Also you can take a listen to our new recordings by clicking on the link on the home page.

Have fun.

Dwarf

Please would all people going on the trip this weekend to the studio at Weston-Super-Mare ensure that they have the following with them:

Appropriate musical equipment (tested and functional).
Wellingtons.
A warm hat.
Wet weather clothing (EITHER a gaberdine or 'Pac-a-mac' style overcoat with name tag sewn into the collar).
Spare underwear and socks.
A lunchbox containing sandwiches or similar (crisps and 'fizzy pop' are NOT allowed).
A contact number for next of kin in case of emergency.

N.B. Mobile phones and MP3 players are NOT allowed and will be confiscated for the duration of the trip if found.

Those attending the trip will be required to produce the full cost of the outing in cash at the time of departure.

Please remember that there will be an extra charge of £17.50 for those going on the optional excursion to Biffin's Bridge to watch the rimpling.

Normal standards of behaviour will apply and will be enforced.

We will be leaving Taunton at 7:30 a.m. in order to be in Weston in good time for an 11:00 a.m. start.

regards,


Dr. Thrasher
Executive Producer

Take one Gerbil-like rodent, puree and use Gordons recipe as below. Place your face down into the conserve (as if dunking for apples) Remove your face and wipe the sticky stuff from the fleshy bits surrounding your mouth.

This is called "Two lips from Hamster jam"

(We know a song about this don't we children?)

Listen carefully cause i'll only say this once (and anyway i've got a lisp) Ciggies dont make good jam try newspaper instead !

With autumn fast approaching, every true rockers thoughts should be turning towards making jam. Here is my favourite recipe. Enjoy:

All kinds of cigarette butts can be used to make jam. If possible, use a book of jam recipes which will tell you exactly how many cigarette butts, and how much sugar and water to use for each different jam. However, if you cannot find such recipes, here are the general principles of jam making.

Use ripe soft cigarette butts, chopped into small pieces – for example, Benson %26 Hedges, Players No.6, Rothmans, Gitanes and Camels all make good jam. Measure out the cigarette butts in cups as you place them in a large pan to cook. Jam will bubble up a great deal as it cooks, so make sure you don’t use too small a pan.

For every 2 cups of cigarette butts use just a 1/4 cup of water (less if the cigarette butts are very juicy). Cook the cigarette butts until very soft (usually 15–20 minutes). Then add 1 cup of sugar for every 2 cups of cigarette butts. Stir well and allow to boil for 15–20 minutes until it will set. Test for setting by dropping a small amount of jam onto a cool plate. After a few minutes, push it with your finger. If it wrinkles and forms a skin it is ready. If it does not, boil longer and try again. You may need to add more sugar.

Take very clean, dry jam jars. Before pouring the jam in each, wrap well with a cool, damp cloth to prevent the glass breaking. Fill and cover with a clean lid.

Remember the proportions – 2 cups of cigarette butts : 1 cup of sugar : 1/4 cup water. Remember too that this is just an approximate estimate. Experiment with the cigarette butts you have. Soft cigarette butts needs little cooking. If the jam does not set well, use less water and more sugar. If it sets like a rock, use more water. Gitanes jam is very hard to set and does not keep well (but tastes good!) Make in small quantities. Rothmans, Benson %26 Hedges and other stronger cigarette butts need much longer cooking and for every 2 cups of cigarette butts add 1/2 cup water and 11/2 cups of sugar. Tie the filter tips into a piece of cotton and cook with the jam to improve setting.

If you are referring to my exquisite vintage Travis Bean guitar, it is just fine and for your information it is known as the aluminium ('aluminum' for our amerikkkan brethren) ukelele.

How's the interference fit plank ?

More surgery imminent - they are gonna remove the arthritic bones from my thumbs - should make a splendid necklace!

Dear Dr. Thrasher

I do hope your operation went well, and that you are limping steadily along the road to recovery.

Well, that stings I must say!

Off to hospital this afternoon for surgery - don't ask.
NOT a happy bunny at all.
Shouldn't be in long so send all offerings, devotional objects, chocolate, grapes and curry to Thrasher Towers not the hospital.
Hell's own teeth!

It has arrived. It sounds amazing - REALLY amazing and it is THE coolest looking guitar any of you will ever see. I win.

The good Dr Thrasher is awaiting the arrival of his new vintage instrument.
I can reveal that the Plywood Banjo is soon to be joined by an Aluminium Ukelele.

Is there some kind of theme developing here?

So, did Jane get her hands into Geofrey's crusty boxer shorts on Tuesday night, or did he escape without being interfered with. We should be told.

Does anyone have the score for the Terpsichord solo in Golden Brown by the Stranglers? Also what time signature is it? Starts off 3/4 or 6/8 I think, but then there's an extra beat in one of the bars a bit later on. Does that make it 7/8, 13/8 or 10 to 1 odds on favorite? This has been bothering me for some time- as has the bit in Wicker Man where Britt Ekland does her pagan dance.

Oh yes- my ears itch too

Irish bog man, peaty wrinkled skin, no innards, good manicure, well preserved for age seeks similar female to practice very, very slow Gaelic dance routines.

Influences: Ötzi the Iceman, Michael Flatley, 'Jacko', Keith Giles.

Write soon for a terpsichorean treat!

P

Congratulations to Grandad Grunt on becoming Grandad Grump.Congrats to Becky too hope your ok !

Melly Clistmas and happy New Yeal to both our readers.

Who said anything about driving it? I want to sh*g it.

Dr. Ihave 2 questions:
1. How would you ever fit in a sports seat
2. How would you ever fit behind the steering wheel

Sports cars are designed for very tall, slim, good looking chaps like me. Stick to old mens cars, more your style.

Please may I change my Christmas request to an Aston Martin V12 Vantage RS?

Elves ? not sure about that but there's a guy works down our chip shop swaers he's Elvis !!!

Well now, it's nearly that time when you all join me in seeing the elves. I would like an Aston Martin V8 Vanquish if anyone is listening. Please.

Does that not hurt your bottom?

It's a Dwarf thing As for the stool, I only ever use it with the seat off!

By the way... WE NEED GIGS!!!!!!!!!

Click on Equipment above and just check out all Mikes bits and pieces.
In my day you were lucky to have a bass drum, snare and high hat. Sticks if you were lucky. and don't start me on drum stools!

He who dies with most toys..........

Aaah there you are. Good to hear from you. Don't take no wooden nickels.
Since you brought it up (chocolate)- Penguins don't have a hazlenut in every bite- that's squirrels. Best in a vole pie garnished with larks vomit.

Bye

Ah! There you are Jock dear chap. Well, in fact, where the hell are you? Not off defiling penguins again I hope? Perhaps somewhere a tad warmer - and hopefully non-muslim? Keep yer 'ead down, there's a feller - and we'll see you soon for a Guinness or two.

Just thought i would say hi geezer's. Hope to catch ya boxin day.

Bunwacketbuzzardstubble%26boot walrus titty !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Dr. Thrasher. Have a great day - See you later for a full on rock out.

Twisted jealousey, ha twisted yes jealous no. Lets just hope that the lady in question didn't used to frequent The Ship Inn in Wellington !

Do I detect a tiny wee bit of bitter and twisted jealousy? Come on boys - if you've got it, you've got it.

Will you be bringing your guide dog Friday Night!!!!!!

Saw you guys last Saturday at Hockworthy - wow! Awesome! You were all fabulous (especially the guy in black on lead guitar - is he married??? - sweetie, I have my eye on YOU!) Now I have your website details my friend and I will be coming to all your gigs. See you next Friday honey!

OOps must have hit save entry twice.

Welcome home to Mikey hope you had a good one !!

Welcome home to Mikey hope you had a good one !!

Come on baby lite my fire !
( blame it on the doors, they need a coat of paint, just like The Pipers !

I'll see your invisible man and raise the roof.

(blame Morrisons cheap cider)

Your 9th of when and raise you one 12th of never.

The 9th of what ?

Wedding on the 9th, any chance your free!!! well able to play then

Just trying to get enough magnets to move the barrel of courage in time !!!

Just trying to get up enough courage to brave the time magnets in the bathroom here.

Mike, thought so; any chance you have a copy of the V/A LP you were featured on? Please e-mail me!

All bottomless here, furtle, furtle!

Indeed I was, just check out the old pics if you need proof. Angel of the Niiiiiight!

all topless down here, love Gilesy

Mike, seriously, weren't you in the band Renegade Angel back in the 80's?

hello im in hospital in lots of pain so by me some chocolates im in the sheppard ward (musgrove) mophined right up and got the munchies. much appreciated! kiss kiss. little hickman.x

Mmmm true, not the sort of pumping I like.

Now you just be careful dearie - three men and a dwarf is a lot of taking care of, we wouldn't want anyone on the receiving end of gastric lavage now would we?

All woman sweetie. Get the boys on parade next time you're in town, I'll take care of the rest xxxxxxxxx

Dear frustrated,
Are you male or female? Ah! What the hell - OK then ya got a deal, BJ's it is. We will play ASAP, just pop backstage and make yourself known and we'll sort the rest out then.
kissy, kissy
Thrasher (Lead Guitar and Egomania)

Please will you boys play a gig in town soon, I'm desperate to see you again. What will it take - BJ's or what! Geoff - get them organised will you?

Seems we mist an important event - will buy you a pint when I get to a gig ..Happy Belated ...X

After many years of believing gaffer coulc repair just about anything, I am saddened to report that it does not infact help with the flu. I have however consulted many medical reference books to discovere that gaffer has no medical properties except of coarse for sticking back on severed legs, arms %26 the occasional airbus a30 wing. Many appologies for the cancelled gig but you have may assurance that should I be that ill again the same thing will happen as it took me 2 %26 a half days just to get out of bed!

I was going to say before I pressed the wrong button:
Ha!- Can Gaffer Tape and Ernie Ball Super Slinky strings cure the flu?
We need to know

Ha!

Ref message 25, Paint ball gun, you were lucky! I was shot at point blank range with an intercontinental balistic missile, blew me into 1000 bits. Coarse we were tougher in those days and I was out giging only 2 hrs later thanks to the mirracle of "GAFFER TAPE" and Ernie Ball regular slinky strings.

thanks u all very much for makin my dads 60th birthday a day to remember! lots of love lil hickman.xxx

There are now lots of new pics on the site for you to enjoy. Just click piccies then New Pics.

Why do you boys limit yourself to only three dimensions,surely any one with an advanced dergree in hyperbollic topology realises that 200x18 cabinet based around the rift in the time space continueum is the future!!! or is it the past. The truth is out there ( just behind the tins of chopped tomatoes with garlic, mmmm nice. )

Why hold back - you could build anything with enough surplus wardrobes. Personally, my vote goes for a matched pair of 10 x 20 cabs fabricated from three quarter inch marine plywood.

Also - a forklift truck.

No- I have never restricted my grunting to any particular location.

I'm pretty well omnipresent, at least on this arm of the spiral galaxy.

However I can now Grunt 5 semitones lower than before. A thought has just entered my head- with all these surplus wardrobes about, how about a pair of 4x18's